Still a Writer

Dedicating myself to being a writer has been a few things. It's been fulfilling to finally see myself recognized as something I've always secretly hoped to be. It's been amazing to put my ideas out in the open for hundreds and thousands of people to read and be accessed by countless others. In the past year I've published my first book (which sold an astonishing six copies, seriously no sarcasm there I didn't think it'd sell one), I've become a published newswriter for two different and legitimate sites (Liberal America and Re:Decatur), and I'm getting published this month in my first literary magazine (Voluted Tales). This is all not to mention getting paid to write in other aspects through a few freelancing jobs as well. Calling myself a writer has done wonders for my actual writing itself.

The other side of it is that I now have this even stronger urge to keep writing. Unfortunately that's where this blog comes into play. I am still a stay at home parent and for the past few months I went from having one child (Bunny) everyday for four to five hours by myself with Emery coming on a set days to now in the summer I've got three kids here everyday, two of which stay here everyday, for eight hours. By myself. This is where the frustration comes in.

Don't get me wrong. I love the time I get with them. It's amazing, it's wonderful, it's inspiring, and I could not be more blessed, but not very many people really understand. I used to get a couple hours of down time every night to write and blog and research and what not. Now by the time the little ones are asleep, I'm ready for bed myself. And I feel like I'm failing.

I refuse to fail my children, no matter how stressed I am. No matter how unfulfilled the writer in me is. I try my hardest and move forward, but summer has been wretched on my writing side. I get asked what I'm doing with writing, I get emails about articles that I wish I could take, but I cannot. Re:Decatur in particular has been tremendously patient and I cannot thank them enough nor apologize quite right for not being as big of a contributor as I hoped to be.

Please, please do NOT interpret this as me being unhappy or unsatisfied with my life, because I am absolutely not. This is a place for me to be honest and frank and that's all I'm trying to be. I am in love with the life I have and I am very happy with it. I've got more to be thankful for than to complain about, but sometimes it's good to get things off of your mind.

In closing, I'd like to ask if any parents (especially stay-at-home) feel similar? If so, how did you channel your individual interests when your children were young? Thanks for checking in, Randi's up from her nap so I've gotta go.